An Interview with Debbie Enever

Midowed: A Mother’s Grief explores parenthood, grief, organ donation, and unexpected love—when did you know you wanted to turn your experience into a memoir? Was writing a therapeutic experience or challenging at times to be close to something so emotional?

I started journaling almost as soon as I’d returned from the hospital after Dan died. I couldn’t believe what had happened and I knew I was in danger of forgetting. As a lone parent of an only child, there was no one else to share the burden of remembering. The idea of having no record of this universe-altering period was terrifying. At that point it certainly didn’t feel therapeutic, more an act of necessity. A few months later, I wanted to create a memento of Dan’s wonderful life. Once I began writing with that intention, it became more therapeutic, spending time with my Dan memories and carefully considering how best to represent him. What I wrote became the memoir.

Your book takes advantage of two timelines: navigating the year after Dan’s death and Dan’s childhood. How did you find the balance between these two headspaces and timelines?

I wrote them separately at first. I was journaling my daily life without any editorial thought at that stage. I created a Birthday Book for Dan, completed each November. It contained a photo of him on his birthday, and notes about his favorite things and notable events—friends, books, toys, holidays, etc. It was something I’d intended to complete up to him being eighteen. Well, that wasn’t possible, but it gave me instant access to the worlds he’d inhabited each year. I turned the notes into rounded tales and deepened those with reference to my old social media posts too. It was only a year and a half after losing Dan that I properly began to look at my timeline and to revisit those dark days. I knew I needed to blend the two so the reader had time to breathe between my raw pain of immediate loss and the gentler reflections on Dan’s childhood.

Midowed brings hope into the narrative through organ donation—it definitely had me welling up at times—what more would you want readers to know about Dan’s organ donation?

Dan’s organ donation legacy continues. It gave me hope then and it still does. I’m in touch with two of the recipients. Knowing they have a positive effect on the lives of their friends and family thanks to Dan’s gifts fills me with joy. Each year in the UK, only 1 percent of people die in the kind of circumstances that permit organ donation, so it’s rare and special. I’d say please let your loved ones know your wishes so if that set of circumstances arises, they can enact your wishes with certainty, because there’ll be plenty else to think about. Every country has slightly different rules about organ donation, so it’s worth having a google to see how you can best register your intent.

In the book, you briefly explore Dan’s ADHD diagnosis. How impactful was that experience on the two of you?

Dan was such a bouncy kid! People would marvel at his energy and enthusiasm and then look at me and asked how I coped. I knew he was hyperactive, but I also knew how to manage it with good food, strong routines, lots of sleep. Outside of school, it was never really a problem, Dan was bright, lively, fun. But school was so tough for Dan. Not intellectually, but in conforming to the long periods of sitting still and doing tasks he found unstimulating. I was more resistant to him being labeled, but Dan absolutely owned who he was and wanted to find ways to make school better for himself.

Midowed was published with Zsa Zsa Publishing, an independent UK publisher. Tell us more about what your publishing journey was like.

When I’d written Midowed to a point where I thought it was a solid story, I started writing to agents, but I was mostly ghosted, with the very rare, “not right for us.” Once I’d worked my way through the entire Writers and Artists Yearbook, I booked a fifteen-minute slot with an agent via Jericho Writers. She confirmed, “the pitch is good, the writing is good, but you have no platform/celebrity and are not commercially appealing.” Writer friends advised investigating indie publishers, so I sent out letters. Really quickly Zsa Zsa came back and said they were interested. I met with them in August 2023 and Midowed was published in April 2024. From zero to super speed! Indie publishing is quick, and you develop a close relationship with every aspect of the process. What you don’t have is distribution, so getting the book onto shelves is much harder, and not something I’ve achieved yet.

You’ve recently started a podcast, Bereaved Parents’ Club, creating a space to celebrate family stories and support other grieving parents. How important is a resource like this for fellow parents?

It’s really valuable. There are many organizations for bereaved parents all with leaflets and online/face-to-face support groups. But I didn’t want leaflets and I find groups overwhelming. So, for me, a podcast is a way to share stories and information in a digital space. I wanted to give voice to everyone in “the club no one wants to belong to” and offer a way for people to find out about support they might not otherwise have known about.

What future writing projects are on your horizons?

I’m currently plotting a folk-horror novel, which will give me the chance to revel in writing the macabre. And I have another memoir in mind about growing up in the alternative 80s. That should be lots of fun to write and will allow me to revisit my memories of my parents, who are also no longer alive. A romp through my childhood and teen years awaits.

What book(s) do you want people to be aware of this coming year and why?

I can’t wait to read Kate Atkinson’s new Jackson Brodie novel for some lip-smacking literary crime satisfaction. Malcolm Gladwell’s Revenge of the Tipping Point will be a fascinating exploration of how epidemics and “viral” stories thrive in our modern world. Why Can’t I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian’s Guide to Autism by Pierre Novellie looks insightful too. Cathy Rentzenbrink has Ordinary Time coming out soon—I love her nonfiction and am excited to try her fiction. For any aspiring memoir writers out there, I recommend Cathy’s book Write it All Down. I wish I’d read it before I wrote mine!

April Staff Picks

Haley Lawson

I Made an Album

This spring, I’ve been obsessed with Daði Freyr’s “I Made an Album,” released in August of 2023. I first heard them when they performed their song “Think About Things” as part of Eurovision in 2020. Since then, I’ve been keen to hear more from them. An electronic pop icon from Iceland, Daði Freyr’s good vibe lyrics, teal sweaters, and soothing melodies are the perfect fit for longer days and melting snow.

The second track on the album is “I’m Fine”—an upbeat track with equally motivating lyrics. The song speaks to the idea that we should be works in progress because that way we keep growing and changing.

It’s all right if you’re taking your time
People who have been found
Are the worst to be around anyway
Okay, all I wanted to say
It’s all right, it’s all right, it’s all right, it’s all right
I know I’m a work in progress
And I would like to stay that way
Don’t stress, it isn’t worth it
Your life is not your resume

Dominic Loise

STEVE! (martin): A Documentary in 2 Pieces

I remember being young and deciphering the image on the Let’s Get Small (1977) comedy album. As a grade schooler, I had seen my share of kids with balloon sculpture hats, but this cover featured an adult male wearing one with a fake nose, glasses, and bunny ears. On the back cover, the comedian was reaching out to the camera with a manic look in his eyes. I couldn’t make out his face with everything he was wearing, but comedian Steve Martin would become a very familiar face to me throughout the remainder of the decade. His avant garde humor would become the compass to help find my people as I grew up in the eighties.

The documentary STEVE! (martin): A Documentary in 2 Pieces (AppleTV) takes an in-depth look at the performer and his career over the decades. Martin also opens up about his anxiety in the documentary and discusses his growing mental health awareness over the decades. We see Martin share old comedy set lists and his journal from his stand-up years as he processes that anxiety. It is through Martin’s journaling that he talks about not pursuing happiness but purpose, which ties into the second part of the documentary.

In the first part, the documentary explores Steve Martin’s purpose as he focused on the art of stand-up comedy, which he took to new heights in the seventies. The second part of the documentary deals with Martin leaving stand up for movies. The second half also deals with an artist finding a place of ease in being themselves while finding a creative outlet that satisfied them personally. We also see the nineties onward when Martin moved away from zany films into being a playwright, returning to playing the banjo, and writing pieces in The New Yorker.

Most might tune in for the stand up and rare clips from the start of Martin’s career. They’ll wish to see the “Wild and Crazy Guy” who was the first comedian to fill a rock stadium. My connection was to the second (martin) part when Martin explored not living to please to the unknown masses but to appreciate the people who are supporting your personal progress.

Kaitlin Lounsberry

Baby Reindeer

If you’re like me, you often log into Netflix without something intentional to watch and the expectation you’ll spend a good deal of time clicking through titles to find a show or movie that suits your fancy. Enter Baby Reindeer. Adapted from Richard Gadd’s one-man comedy show, this scripted Netflix series explores a local comedian’s experience with a female stalker and, in turn, is forced to confront with secrets of his own. I know, I know, is this (now) viral show really worth the hype? I sure think so. 

It’s dark, funny, delightfully twisted, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I wrapped up the last episode. In addition to the obvious themes you might expect from this story, there’s a great deal of empathy and understanding for all parties involved that I wasn’t anticipating. The choice to humanize those who lived this reality added a great deal of nuance I wasn’t expecting and it elevated my viewing experience for the better. 

Don’t believe me? Watch and decide for yourself.