Literary Horoscopes: June
Words By Alyssa Jordan, Art By Joana Coccarelli
The Ram / Courageous, Adventurous, Independent / Domineering, Selfish, Arrogant
I know you usually like to take charge, but you might want to skip town on the 11th or the 12th. It looks like a family obligation is going to smack you in the face. Upside: Well, there really isn’t one. Take that smack with a shot of vodka, perhaps?
And don’t forget about your story pick—you can read it while you ride a bus out of town:
- If an Eloquent Potato Articulated, by Danielle Lea Buchanan: Daffodil is courageous, just like you. Unless, of course, your family asks about your vodka breath.
The Bull / Loyal, Friendly, Resourceful / Self-Indulgent, Possessive, Greedy
Oh, Taurus, you better work it this month! Things are coming your way as gently as a freight train without brakes. You’ll be a magnet for some monetary goodness, but don’t go spending it all in one place—come on, you’re not Richie Rich.
Before you start prepping for this roller-coaster month, take a breather and check out your story pick:
- You Sexy Mink, You Forgot the Milk, by Kyle Siemens: Enjoy this humorous, saucy read with your morning coffee. And never skimp on the cinnamon buns. Never.
The Twins / Intelligent, Adaptable, Creative / Moody, Opportunistic, Inconsistent
Guess what, Gemini? June is your month. Whether it’s romance, creative endeavors, or just charming the pants off of people, you’re going to be the star of the show. So spend a little more time on yourself in whatever way you see fit (let’s be honest—you were already going to).
And while you’re at it, humor your self-indulgent side with this lovely read:
- The Stargazers, by Allison Epstein: Poignant and beautiful. I recommend reading this one under a blanket of stars.
The Crab / Honest, Generous, Faithful / Insecure, Needy, Crabby
Try not to read too much into your dreams this month. You might feel a tendency to act, well, crabby (okay, I apologize; that one was downright lazy). Anyway, your insecurities might spike in early June, but battle them back with some well-timed friend dates.
If all else fails, your story pick could be a good distraction!
- Baba Yaga’s Delaware Youth, by Katie DePasquale: Imaginative and striking, this one is sure to appease your dreamy nature (plus your love for nests/homes/all of the above).
The Lion / Cheery, Noble, Imaginative / Demanding, Boastful, Melodramatic
I have good and bad news for you this month. After June 15th, you’ll be treated right, you sweet, charming thing, you. Reach out to your friends and extend an olive branch to anyone whose feathers you may have, ah, ruffled.
But don’t worry, I have a little pick-me-up for you…
- How the Maine Coon Cat Learned to Love the Sea, by Seanan McGuire: If this won’t cheer you up, I don’t know what will. Just kidding; I know only the spotlight can do that!
The Maiden / Practical, Diligent, Kind / Obsessive, Self-Righteous, Compulsive
This month you’ll have to fake it till you make it. Since you’re already kind of screwed, why don’t you make the most of it? Go to that party you’d typically avoid, set up that date you swore you’d never go on—do something adventurous (it’ll only sting a little, I promise).
Since you’ll be manhandled outside of your comfort zone, your monthly story pick is a little on the wild side:
- Water like Air, by Lora Gray: Take a risk on this mysterious, gorgeous prose. I won’t tell.
The Scales / Compassionate, Trustworthy, Peacemaker / Disorganized, Materialistic, Indecisive
The stars are aligned in your favor this month, Libra—no really, they are. Your life should be smooth sailing and well balanced for the foreseeable future. Oh, and did I mention your communication skills will downright dazzle, dahling?
Dip your happy little toes into this monthly story pick:
- Casually Human, by Evan James Sheldon: A quietly stunning look at the human spirit, and a nice choice for your compassionate nature.
The Scorpion / Purposeful, Charismatic, Cunning / Aggressive, Manipulative, Possessive
Put your charismatic, cunning nature to use by angling for that promotion or instigating some change in your life. June will be a transformative time for you, so be sure to make the most of it. Remember to use those manipulative superpowers for good, though, you wily charmer.
- The Murderous History of Tumbleweeds, by David Drury: Embrace transformations and growth with this unique, blood-and-bone read.
The Archer / Straightforward, Optimistic, Adventurous / Careless, Impatient, Hotheaded
While you can handle Debbie Downers like a pro, this month you’ll still want to watch your step around the workplace. Avoid pesky things like your boss’s coffee breath, your boss’s constant need for expense reports, your boss’s weird socks; really, anything related to your boss—avoid that.
Check out this story pick on your next lunch break, you wild thing you:
- Do Not Wake The Sleeping Princess, by K.S. O’Neill: This fun twist on typical fairytale endings will please your playful side (you know it’s true).
The Mountain Sea-Goat / Traditional, Responsible, Ambitious / Unforgiving, Blunt, Pessimistic
June will be a month of quiet contemplation for you. Don’t expect much change; not yet, anyway (spoiler: the butter-side-down days won’t hit till late summer). Until then, you’ll mostly be in your responsibly ambitious element.
Take a rare moment to treat yourself, though—you know you want to.
- Slow Blood, by David Byron Queen: Perfect language for your oh-so-analytical mind.
The Water-Bearer / Intellectual, Open-Minded, Outgoing / Unpredictable, Self-Conscious, Chaotic
Don’t look now, Aquarius—a budding romance could be yours! Look for it around the middle of the month, when you’ll be your best outgoing self. But try to keep the chaos to a minimum, at least until the second date.
In the meantime, I have just the thing for you:
- Three Micros, by Noa Sivan: Human connection and moments in three short tales. Unpredictable, fluid, and more than a little wonderful—just like you.
The Fish / Charitable, Intuitive, Artistic / Timid, Impractical, Indolent
Oh, Pisces, you may be put through the wringer this month. Take extra care in mid- to late June—you’ll be vulnerable to all kinds of sickness—and avoid your patient-zero colleague like the plague. (See what I did there?)
Let’s distract you with some good reading:
- The Sound of Her Singing, by Karen Ashe: Immersive, impactful, and even somewhat hopeful, this flash fiction piece is a delight to the senses.