December Literary Horoscopes
Words By Alyssa Jordan, Art By Joana Coccarelli
The Ram / Courageous, Adventurous, Independent / Domineering, Selfish, Arrogant
Bad news, Aries: December probably won’t be a wintry wonderland for you. More bad news: Your current relationships are going to become more complicated than ever. Why, you might ask? Apparently, the cosmos chose you for some not-so-fun chaos!
When you’re not shaking your fist at the heavens, check out this innovative story pick…
- Raining Blackbirds, by Jacqueline Doyle
- Teaser: “It had been raining dead birds for four days. Donna winced as she heard the tiny bones crunch when she stepped on yet another corpse.”
The Bull / Loyal, Friendly, Resourceful / Self-Indulgent, Possessive, Greedy
No need to put on any airs with your friends this month. Wear those ratty but comfy robes, select that delectable croissant over one-point-five almonds; opt for indulgences over a strict regimen. You deserve a break and, frankly, November was kind of a nightmare.
Feast your eyes on this raw, stunning read:
- My Mother, the Moon, by Hannah Gordon
- Teaser: “I never got out of bed to check on her. Looking back, I think I should have. I think I was afraid of what I’d find in the dark, so I’d just close my eyes and wait for morning.”
The Twins / Intelligent, Adaptable, Creative / Moody, Opportunistic, Inconsistent
Your ego might turn into Swiss cheese around the middle of the month. Don’t worry, though, Lady Luck will grace you with her presence around the 20th for some sweet, sweet relief. Earlier in the month, save your cash so you can splurge around the holidays.
This compelling story pick will help you through roller-coaster December.
- Ever After This Day, by Anna E. Pollock
- Teaser: “Our hands hold each other through time. Mine reaches up from the mud and algae, through the tangled hair. Now I only talk with my story.”
The Crab / Honest, Generous, Faithful / Insecure, Needy, Crabby
Treat festive December as an opportunity to make up for lost time. You might prefer summer months, but when it comes to creative projects, the winter season is your oyster (see what I did there?). Don’t give in to your nesting urges or daydreaming tendencies all the time. C’mon, I know you can do it!
Your reward is this touching yet tension-filled read:
- All the Sky Above Us, by Christopher M. Drew
- Teaser: “I launch my four-year-old son into the air and he laughs because he knows I will catch him. He climbs on my shoulders and his long fingernails claw at my neck. Daddy, he says. Play Monster.”
The Lion / Cheery, Noble, Imaginative / Demanding, Boastful, Melodramatic
Strut your stuff all month long, you slick charmer you. I would say don’t be a shrinking violet—your accomplishments this year have been impressive—but that’s really not a concern for leonine folks like yourself! Mind you, I say that with love.
Before you hit all the parties, though, crack open this truly unique read.
- The Tired Day, by Benjamin Woodard
- Teaser: “At a bakery blaze, volunteer firefighters nodded off. They napped on the sidewalk while smoldering icing imbued the air with a sweet char.”
The Maiden / Practical, Diligent, Kind / Obsessive, Self-Righteous, Compulsive
Oh Virgo, I’m glad you made it through a topsy-turvy fall season. Now you can sprint into the holidays and party like it’s 1999. Don’t forget to eat first, and hydrate like crazy (this is for your own good). Bonus: You’re either going to smash a work goal or hit a milestone at home. What? Sometimes these tea leaves are hard to read…
Ahem. After you’ve had your fifth cup of caffeine, check out this mesmerizing story pick.
- Exquisite Silence, by Melissa Goodrich
- Teaser: “You’ve had the Silence for only a couple weeks when someone calls, and you touch your clavicle. The phone vibrates. When you open your mouth, a little puff cloud appears.”
The Scales / Compassionate, Trustworthy, Peacemaker / Disorganized, Materialistic, Indecisive
You’re due to run into some unexpected complications this month. To make up for this crappy weather report, though, you will also have a nice, balanced holiday break. Your talents and compassionate nature will shine around the 28th, too. You’re a gem in a sea of sand. Keep your chin up, and stay positive.
Save this poignant, spellbinding read for when you need a treat.
- On the Brink, by Barbara Diggs
- Teaser: “He hated being reminded of how we are all teetering on the brink of an alternate existence, waiting with bated breath to know which reality will become ours.”
The Scorpion / Purposeful, Charismatic, Cunning / Aggressive, Manipulative, Possessive
In December, you might be a smidge disappointed with your friends. Try to remember that they’re only human. The other areas of your life will be smooth sailing without a wave in sight. I can’t say the same for January, but let’s save those pesky worries for the New Year. I don’t believe in spoilers for 2020 (I needed to make some kind of New Year’s resolution, geez).
Your monthly story pick will make you want to seize the moment, and really live—it’s never too late.
- Roman Candle, by Abi Hennig
- Teaser: “Arms stretched above her head, Morag mirrored the dancing girl, oblivious to the rivulets of water running from her elbow to her neck.”
The Archer / Straightforward, Optimistic, Adventurous / Careless, Impatient, Hotheaded
Winter has finally arrived! You might feel the urge to run madly through the snow, cackle with glee at white-dusted trees, or start ten new projects in a single day. I’m not saying which of these you should choose, but pick that last one—your energy will ride high with the moon this month. It’s your time to shine, and shine you will, you delightful ball of sugar/spice/everything nice.
And don’t forget your story pick:
- Another Convenience Store Love Story, by C.C. Russell
- Teaser: “Amidst the consistent dinging of the microwaves, the off-kilter beat of the roller grill, the shushing of the soda machines—amidst this noise, I laugh along with her and hide the drop in my stomach that comes from the sudden thought of you.”
The Mountain Sea-Goat / Traditional, Responsible, Ambitious / Unforgiving, Blunt, Pessimistic
You buckled down in November, so now it’s time to feed your introverted, list-loving spirit. Set aside some mental health days so you can reflect and mentally prepare yourself for family-holiday-style shenanigans. And try not to feel guilty, either! We all need downtime. Also, you’ll be more productive if you rest up (I’m not above appealing to your responsible self).
I have a gorgeous poem for your monthly read, too.
- After Paracelsus, by Ray Ball
- Teaser: “I apply the lotion as they might have / a snakestone or bezoar to a wound made by serrated wings / or teeth. The way they brought forth silver and rose petals. / A jug of mercury, the salve for what must be cauterized by stars.”
The Water-Bearer / Intellectual, Open-Minded, Outgoing / Unpredictable, Self-Conscious, Chaotic
A few health issues might knock on your door this season. Like respectable house guests, they should only take you hostage for a day or two. Stock up on coffee and/or tea so you can be cozy while you rest (don’t forget your embarrassing Grandma sweater, either).
Once you’re all settled, check out this enthrallingly whimsical story pick.
- Modern Ghosts, by Chelsea Stickle
- Teaser: “I’m sorry to report that if you can hear me, you’re dead. Such a shame. But don’t worry, we’ll help you adjust. Being a modern ghost is tricky.”
The Fish / Charitable, Intuitive, Artistic / Timid, Impractical, Indolent
Last month was all about romance and good fortune. December won’t be quite as exciting, but it won’t have any major downers, either. Embrace the end of the year and ruminate on your goals for 2020. I might be biased, but I have a feeling we’re about to hit your best decade yet.
Celebrate with this offbeat and striking read. It will hook you and, if you’re me, feel like “cozies with teeth.”
- Carved, by Riley Krembil
- Teaser: “My scars began forty-four rings ago. A couple sat beneath my thin, bud-filled branches as the sounds of their joy made its way through my bark spreading up to the tops of my leaves and down to the tips of my roots.”