August Literary Horoscopes
Words By Alyssa Jordan, Art By Joana Coccarelli
The Ram / Courageous, Adventurous, Independent / Domineering, Selfish, Arrogant
The dregs of summer will be a time of exploration for you. Don’t expect much change, though; your weather report won’t grow a smidge cloudy till September. Until then, dwell in your adventurously independent goodness.
And spare a moment to treat yourself—you know you want to.
- Swallowing Myth, by Brooke Knisley
- Teaser: “The bulb, fixed in a desk lamp Liz’s brother had situated on the floor, glowed eerily, naked without a lampshade, asking to be consumed.”
The Bull / Loyal, Friendly, Resourceful / Self-Indulgent, Possessive, Greedy
Your friendly, loyalish nature will be put to the test over the next few weeks. Honestly, that says much more about the people in your life, so remember to make time for yourself. But maybe also ditch some of those mean-girl friends (Regina George doesn’t age well).
In the meantime, here is the perfect distraction for you:
- The Rat Tree, by L SCULLY
- Teaser: “The ghost in your house is never as loud as the ghosts in your head.”
The Twins / Intelligent, Adaptable, Creative / Moody, Opportunistic, Inconsistent
In August, some stress mountains are guaranteed to block your path. Stay the course and you’ll climb them in no time. Just don’t forget your safety harness (I hear the snaps can be tricky). You could also try a come-what-may attitude but, then again, sarcasm is good for the complexion.
Maybe this gorgeous read can help.
- First Maps, by Dan A. Cardoza
- Teaser: “Prehistoric maps were unfeigned, exquisitely etched in the ephemeral soil, by the dead, using sharp rocks, elegant index finger bones, and black pointed fire sticks.”
The Crab / Honest, Generous, Faithful / Insecure, Needy, Crabby
Now that it’s Leo season, you can take a breather and happily relinquish the stage (I’m proud of you for lasting this long). In August, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to rejuvenate and dip your happy-little-toes in calm waters.
Start by reading this unique, captivating story.
- Intervention Handbook for Disordered Sisters, by Shelby Wardlaw
- Teaser: “Mistakes: pl. n. 1) Something you thought that you would grow out of, like bad grammar (see also Self-Worth, measurements of). 2) The time you and your sister snorted OxyContin at a mutual friend’s house several blocks from your childhood home.”
The Lion / Cheery, Noble, Imaginative / Demanding, Boastful, Melodramatic
This month is all about you, baby! The forecast is sunny skies without a cloud in sight. Enjoy it until the universe drops you like a hot potato for Virgo. Er, until then, seize the day and party hardy! Dance on rooftops. Eat ice cream for breakfast. Chase rainbows, sing in the shower—all that jazz.
First order of business, though: skip your chores and drink in this lovely read.
- Running, by Libby Rule
- Teaser: “I take my earbuds out, and listen to the layers of sound. The leaves rustling. The soft chirp of chimes and the flutter of pinwheels. I hear birds going about their usual bird business. My steps and my loud breath—slowly returning to normal.”
The Maiden / Practical, Diligent, Kind / Obsessive, Self-Righteous, Compulsive
Remember that slightly turbulent period in July? It’ll launch into DEFCON 1 by the start of August. Once you get your survival strategy down, you might want to set aside some time for hobbies or even meditation. You know, just so you don’t lose your sanity (I’m with you, friend).
Speaking of more time for hobbies, check out this collection of hypnotic poems.
- Salt Margins, Refugee, & Night Swim, by Seth Jani
- Teaser: “Into the flow, old body. / The river rises around you. / There is a moon on your shoulders. / Take the ecstatic plunge. / Do not fear the other.”
The Scales / Compassionate, Trustworthy, Peacemaker / Disorganized, Materialistic, Indecisive
Good news, Libra! August should be similar to July, so continue the trend and treat yourself to something fun, frivolous n’ fancy. As if that isn’t enough, a new relationship might smack into your life around the 15th.
Consider this story pick an added bonus.
- The Guillotine, by Nivretta Thatra
- Teaser: “It’s a violence of its own making, transversally bisecting her head in two, poised for what it is to come. She has a lot of hair and it requires a lot of gel. Like a dark black blade, it waits behind her.”
The Scorpion / Purposeful, Charismatic, Cunning / Aggressive, Manipulative, Possessive
You’re due to hit some unexpected complications this month. It could be one or two or seven. To make up for this crummy weather report, the cosmos will give you a break after the 17th. Your cunning and charismatic nature will be on full display soon enough. Keep your chin up, kiddo.
And break out this poignant read when you need a treat.
- Sunday, by Shannon Elizabeth Hardwick
- Teaser: “Saturday evenings were for fishing, then sitting on the porch until it was dark enough to see the shooting stars in the mountain sky.”
The Archer / Straightforward, Optimistic, Adventurous / Careless, Impatient, Hotheaded
Congrats, you made it to summer’s end! I wasn’t sure if you would still be in one piece (I kid, I kid). According to these tea leaves, you’ll fall into a small dip mid-October, then transform into your most fabulous self. Hey, it could happen! Start the process with a bang and make some big changes come September.
But first, read this excellent story pick.
- Love in Bengali Dialect, by Aekta Khubchandani
- Teaser: “She is painting petals of yolk and ivory from the left corner, color in motion kissing the floor. A tea light burns, sandalwood sifting through the room. Wax candles have replaced diyas, and postcards are now pretty greetings from cities with no memories.”
The Mountain Sea-Goat / Traditional, Responsible, Ambitious / Unforgiving, Blunt, Pessimistic
Uh oh, Capricorn: August probably won’t be a summer breeze for you. More bad news: Your current relationship might become more complicated than ever. Why, you may ask? It looks like the universe chose you for some oh-so-magical chaos!
When you’re not drawing the short straw, check out this innovative read.
- Squeeze, by Nick Kolakowski
- Teaser: “The fungus forms a second body under your skin, shadowing your veins, wrapping around your bones. Its spongy mass smells like roses, if you slice a bit free of the host and hold it up to your nose.”
The Water-Bearer / Intellectual, Open-Minded, Outgoing / Unpredictable, Self-Conscious, Chaotic
In August, you’ll want to watch the clouds and lie in a puddle of sun. Honestly, summer days can have that effect on the best of us. Keep your head on your shoulders with some tough love and good ol’ fashioned discipline. You may prefer winter months, but you can still kick butt in summer/autumn.
Plus, I have a monthly story pick that’s just for you.
- to deadhead plants means to remove their spent flowers, by Shareen K. Murayama
- Teaser: “My grandmother housed sun-faded curtains of no particular color. She said never marry as we ate creamed crackers.”
The Fish / Charitable, Intuitive, Artistic / Timid, Impractical, Indolent
They say life is like a box of chocolates. Well, old relationships may show up in your inbox like a box of ant-eaten, moldy chocolate. You might want to give them the finger, but some could warrant a conversation over passive-aggressive puns and “adult” lemonade.
While you’re busting out the liqueur, I have a wonderfully penned story waiting in your queue.
- The World Ends in Salty Fingers and Sugared Lips, by Jenn Reese
- Teaser: “We have been to this gas station a thousand times. I grab two more chairs and the three of us drink beer and eat snacks. I hold Kaia’s hand and laugh and wait for the world to end.”