April Literary Horoscopes
Words By Alyssa Jordan, Art By Joana Coccarelli
The Ram / Courageous, Adventurous, Independent / Domineering, Selfish, Arrogant
Man, you’re on fire, Aries! The stars were aligned in your favor last month, and April seems to be continuing the trend. You know what I say? Go crazy with it! Kick back and enjoy your month. For the foreseeable future, the stars are gloriously aligned in your favor.
And don’t forget your unique story pick:
- “Consult Your Doctor if Symptoms Persist,” by Amanda McLeod
- Teaser: “Symptoms may include ambivalence about parenthood, an impulsive desire to have sex on the couch in the middle of the day, and a lingering sense of uncertainty about your new husband. These symptoms often go unrecognized until a catalytic event heightens their effect.”
The Bull / Loyal, Friendly, Resourceful / Self-Indulgent, Possessive, Greedy
Believe it or not, April will be a transformative time for you. Put your friendly nature to use and connect with people through your sweet virtual setup. Join an online book club, try something new. Remember: Self-care isn’t selfish.
Speaking of self-care, check out this gorgeously written poem for April:
- “In Undergloom,” by Clara Burghelea
- Teaser: “Draw us family-style nibbling raspberry bodies, / all hue and scent, rustling of silk and tang against / the roof of the mouth. Fresh from the west corner / of the garden, seeds of spell crushed between teeth, / tongue swollen with longing.”
The Twins / Intelligent, Adaptable, Creative / Moody, Opportunistic, Inconsistent
March might have been a pedal-to-the-metal kind of month, but April is the perfect time to focus on your family! Now, don’t groan—it’s not polite (I’m winking, if you can’t tell). Set aside some time for your loved ones. And no, a two-minute phone call doesn’t count.
Well, maybe it does a little.
- “Warm Milk,” by Lindy Biller
Teaser: “In my dream, I am making a scavenger hunt for my son, who is ten and too big for scavenger hunts. He has been too big for scavenger hunts since he was poppyseed sized, rooting around in my uterus for good soil.”
The Crab / Honest, Generous, Faithful / Insecure, Needy, Crabby
It’s official: the butter-side down days have hit. Sorry, I forgot to warn you! Expect some fallout in your professional life and a few partings in your personal life. Maybe adopt an “if you can’t beat them, join them” mentality?
It can’t hurt to distract yourself with this monthly read:
- “Frank’s Suit Did the Job,” by Mike Hickman
- Teaser: “With its silver lining and the fake handkerchief sewn into the top pocket, it had properly looked the business.”
The Lion / Cheery, Noble, Imaginative / Demanding, Boastful, Melodramatic
Try not to rely on others too much during the second half of spring. You got to recharge last month—kudos on the hot n’ heavy courting of the robe/couch variety—but now is the time to look inward. Give your future some serious thought and think about where you’d like to be in five years.
After all that fun meditating, be sure to dip your toes in this moving read.
- “Quiz: Moments of Definition,” by Victoria Buitron
- Teaser: “The lemon ginger lasts all morning, slow and steady, like the thaw of late March.”
The Maiden / Practical, Diligent, Kind / Obsessive, Self-Righteous, Compulsive
April might be topsy-turvy for you, Virgo. You’ll be an absolute pro when it comes to the three f’s: friends, family, and fabulousness. Work is another story, though. Your practical nature will demand that you fix this—and you should—but remember to put chill time on your to-do list, too.
First things first: Read this poignant, vibrant story pick.
- “Blasted,” by Beth Moulton
- Teaser: “The trees are green now, except for the one right next to the road, the one that was probably struck by lightning. It has a gaping hollow so big I could hide myself inside.”
The Scales / Compassionate, Trustworthy, Peacemaker / Disorganized, Materialistic, Indecisive
This will be a full-steam-ahead kind of month for all you balanced people out there. Revisit your New Year’s resolutions and embrace 2021 like it’s going out of style. If you’re lucky enough to work from home, then don’t hesitate to set a schedule for yourself. Those goals won’t reach themselves!
As a reward, read your lovely story pick for April:
- “Waymarks,” by E. A. Fowler
- Teaser: “Oblivious, I lay prostrate on a bed of wind-fallen lemons and sang to the fingernail sliver of moon that peeked through the branches.”
The Scorpion / Purposeful, Charismatic, Cunning / Aggressive, Manipulative, Possessive
Bad news, my charismatic friend: April probably won’t be filled with spring fever for you. More bad news: Your current relationships are going to become more complicated than ever. Why, you might ask? Apparently, the universe chose you for some delightful chaos.
When you’re not shaking your fist at the sky, check out this stellar read:
- “Loyal,” by Laura Valeri
- Teaser: “For the last two years of my father’s life, my mother, every day, cooks all his favorites, minestrone, apple tart, onion frittata. She delivers his lunch in a glass container at noon, and trades it for the dirty empty one of the day before.”
The Archer / Straightforward, Optimistic, Adventurous / Careless, Impatient, Hotheaded
Treat bustling April as an opportunity to make up for lost time. You might prefer winter months, but when it comes to relationships, the season of love is your best friend (see what I did there?). And don’t give in to your hotheaded tendencies all the time. C’mon, I know you can do it!
Your reward is this eye-opening read:
- “Big Sur,” by Jessica Lyn Harper
- Teaser: “I knew the exact moment she decided to leave me: Mile 25, the penultimate mile, when she said, ‘Do you want to go ahead?’”
The Mountain Sea-Goat / Traditional, Responsible, Ambitious / Unforgiving, Blunt, Pessimistic
For you, the flavor of April is romance. You just might reel in a total cutie around the end of the month. Jumpstart this goodness with Skype dates and scandalous texting—the works. I wouldn’t even blame you if you started singing in the shower (your roommates might, though).
Save this monthly read for when they’ve locked you in your room.
- “Mr Andersen Will See You Now,” by Simon Shergold
- Teaser: “In the far corner, aggressively eating what appeared to be breadcrumbs, was the Witch. A veteran of the circuit, she was the least anxious of the group. She’d appeared in countless dramas, mostly uncredited and, therefore, largely unpaid.”
The Water-Bearer / Intellectual, Open-Minded, Outgoing / Unpredictable, Self-Conscious, Chaotic
Let’s be honest: Last spring was difficult. Mac without cheese. Brownies minus a glass of milk. Bread butter-side down (on shag carpet). Keep fighting the indoor blues with a new nest by your window, on your balcony, or in your backyard. Let the sun touch your skin while you immerse yourself in wonderful stories.
- “The Cook,” by Ginger Strivelli
- Teaser: “I’ve cooked for Kings. Ramses The Great, Attila The Hun, and Ivan The Terrible have all sung my pies praises. I was cooking on the Mayflower and the first moon cruise ship. I cooked pork in cherries on the first fire lit by a human. Now I cook on the space station orbiting Saturn.”
The Fish / Charitable, Intuitive, Artistic / Timid, Impractical, Indolent
You might experience cabin fever around the height of the month. Combat it by taking time for yourself each day. Do the best that you can, even if that means getting out of bed. Cozy up with some coffee or tea and that embarrassing shirt you keep hidden in your sock drawer. You know the one.
Now, you’re ready to crack open this absorbing read.
- “My Mother is a Garden Where Other People Grow,” by Leonie Rowland
- Teaser: “Watching from a distance, I learnt that death repurposes rather than uproots, that the ground does not mean silence, that everyone needs somewhere to go.”